A few weeks ago, I was part of a faith + science symposium titled “God on the Brain.” As part of the event, I led a workshop titled “Dementia Doesn’t Diminish a Person.” My intention was to focus on theological truths about the value of all people. But many practical (rather than theological) truths emerged too.  

I gave the example of a 9-month-old baby who wears diapers, loves baby dolls, and cries when she doesn’t get her way. Likely the adults in her life love this 9-month-old and do all that they can to connect with her and to bring her joy. How many people strive to get a smile, a laugh, a hug from her? When others help us find joy, we don’t simply smile, we feel that joy deeply, it affects our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves.  

And then, we considered a 69 or 79 year old adult with dementia who also wears diapers, loves baby dolls, and cries when she doesn’t get her way. How many of these adults have family members and friends who love to bring her joy?  If she is like so many with dementia, she is not in close contact with most of her extended family. And when they are together, they are likely awkward, unsure of how to interact. Who is focused on bringing this woman joy? And yet, biologically, if others cause her to smile, to laugh, to feel loved and valued, she will experience this not only cognitively but also emotionally, spiritually, and even with physical benefits.  

The contrast is stark. How many infants (who cannot verbally reply, who are emotionally unpredictable, etc.) are showered with efforts to bring joy and love and human interactions? Compare this to the number of adults with dementia who have people around them striving to bring them joy and love and human interactions. The contrast is painful to me. Why do we not care more about our loved ones with dementia? 

If you know someone with dementia, I encourage you to consider ways that you can bring them joy. When I stop by to visit mom and bring a box of chocolate covered cherries, I bring her joy. When I ask mom to tell me about the Cairo Syrupmakers, I bring her joy. When I remind mom of what a great cook she was when I was young, it brings her joy. I can’t “fix” her dementia and make it go away. But I can continue to invest in her well-being by not simply meeting her physical or medical needs. I can boost her emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical self by saying and doing things that bring her joy.  

There are very legitimate reasons that some of our loved ones with dementia need to live in a care facility. But remember that this doesn’t mean that they don’t still need you as friends and family. You can bring them joy in ways that their kind, loving staff may not be able to because you know what makes them laugh, you know what relationships they treasure, you know what brings them joy.  

We are so excited by the infants in our lives, and we love to bring them joy. Let’s be excited to share joy with all people, especially those with dementia who are often forgotten or whose needs get defined simply in terms of their physical needs. Share joy with everyone!!!